A musing on the changeable nature of creative expression
Sometimes I don’t have access to my spoken voice.
If you’re into Human Design, I have an undefined throat centre which is also completely disconnected from all other centres.
And if you have no idea what I’m talking about or if you think Human Design & other ‘personality tools’ are a load of BS, I can tell you from my lived experience that I absolutely do go through cycles where I want to actively make a lot of noise… and other times where it feels like a blanket of silence settles over me.
And by all the traditional rules, this aspect of myself is bad for business.
Because the way I like to express myself isn’t fixed.
Sometimes I can’t film enough videos or record enough audio to satiate my desire to use my voice. The vibration of sound in my throat & chest feels like ecstasy.
At times like those, I can’t stand writing.
It feels slow.
Flat.
Too one-dimensional.
Lacking in PA$$i0N, ya know?!?!?!
And yet at other times…
When stillness settles between my vocal cords, the act of writing feels like a precious gift.
A place where my thoughts can be whispered onto a page, transferred directly from my consciousness into yours without either of us needing to open our mouths.
A beautiful exchange which transcends the limitations of sound & location.
For so long, I have labelled this inability to be consistent in my expression as a problem.
I’ve beaten myself up for not being able to stick to weekly emails because at certain points it feels forced and inauthentic. Like the only reason I’m doing it is because someone else told me I should.
I’ve chastised myself for not maintaining a consistent unending stream of published videos to rack up that monthly view time & prove to the algorithms that I am worthy of their attention.
I’ve gazed at others who are able to just go-go-go & endlessly publish and envied their so-called discipline.
But today, I want to reframe this for myself & anyone who happens to be reading this and feels the stirring of recognition inside them.
Because the honest truth is that even though the way I express myself changes… my commitment to expressing myself is unwavering.
Whether it’s through writing or video. Publicly on the internet, or privately in my community – the channel of my creativity constantly flows.
Just because I find myself repelled by the idea of staying in one lane…
I refuse to villainise myself for not sticking to some so-called rules of consistency.
And lthough this might seem like a random segue…
Today, a fox crossed my path during my morning walk.
The first I’ve seen in the year and a half that I’ve been doing that walk.
Curious, I looked up the spiritual meaning of it.
“Foxes often represent cunning, playfulness and resilience.
They walk the fine line between the wilds and urban living making the best of both environments.
They are adaptable, clever and full of mischief.”
(sourced here).
Walking the fine line between wildness & civilisation…
It feels like the most perfect metaphor for how I want to live my life and let my creativity flow.
Untamed wildness.
Still part of the human culture I exist in.
Free to follow the creative impulses as they choose to be expressed, unbound from rules & “shoulds”
Yet also grounded in the tools I have available at my disposal, intentionally selecting the method of communication that is most resonant.
Honouring the fact that there truly is no singular way to “do business” – despite the sometimes overwhelming narrative that appears to say otherwise.
And while others my thrive in a singular method of creation.
There are also those like me, whose strengths lie in their multifaceted nature.