So I really am not interested in doing this video today. I’m just really not in the mood. Don’t feel like doing it. The reasons such as feeling a bit tired, but also feeling quite motivated to just get on with other stuff. And this feels like a bit of a distraction, but I’m showing off anyway because this is part of the experiment, I think, and this is a really important part of any process or any creative thing that you’re doing.

And it is that uncomfortable part where the sort of novelty of it has worn off and you’re left with the reality of you’ve committed to doing something and you now have the choice about whether you want to see it through or not.

And something I really remember from reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, which is a fantasy book, if you haven’t read it, I definitely recommend, is he talked about that, when we… and I’m totally going to butcher this, I just know that’s going to be true…

When we set goals, we need to focus more on the process than we do on the actual goal itself.

And it’s funny because with this like video thing that I’m doing, this creative experiment, capturing myself in the moment, I don’t really have a goal because the whole point of this is that it’s an experiment, right? It’s I had this creative urge to try something like this and just see how it turned out.

And there isn’t really a goal…. although as I’m saying it, I know in the back of my mind there is.

I actually want to be able to do this consistently for 30 days just to see what happens. Just to see how it turns out, what the result is, whether I share it or not… and really that is actually a great way to illustrate what James Clear was talking about, that my focus isn’t necessarily on what I share every day.

Like, I’m not worrying about that right now. My focus is on can I master this process of every morning, yhe first thing I do when I get to my desk is I switch the camera on and record what thoughts I’m experiencing.

So this is me focusing on the process. This is me showing up when I don’t feel like it.

Unclear, with no real thing that I really want to discuss but being present in the moment and quite literally just sharing with you what’s going through my mind.

Again, questions of like, why though Becky?! keep coming up for me. And I sort of don’t want to question it. I don’t want to look into that dark hole of “why am I doing this?” because I’m doing this as an experiment.

I’m doing this as an opportunity for me to express. For me to hear the sound of my own voice. Which sounds strange, but I think in a world where we conume so much, we are given so much information from other people all the frickin time… the act of hearing your own voice makes sound.

Turn your thoughts from just these fragments of whatever into vibrational sound waves, actually experiencing that sensation of the vibration within your throat as you just speak and don’t worry about what comes out.. it feels highly rebellious! It feels highly liberating, especially when we live in a world where…

I’m talking more particularly about like the creator economy and the online space of content creation and things like that, where everything is highly strategic, like doing something that is random and somewhat purposeless for the sake of it, creating for the act of creating without some grand plan of how to monetize or grow your audience or grow your status – it just feels so rebellious and liberating because it is the opposite of what I think most things exist out there to do.

And I guess in my own work I’ve got quite far away from that.

The reason I quit my job and started my own business was to do more creative things just for the fun of it because as I mentioned in a previous video, I believe the purpose of life is to create, not to monetise.

So yeah, this is me showing up even though I don’t feel like it. But this is also me saying, that’s enough. I’ve done what I intended to do.

I have no preset limits about how long these videos need to be, what they need to contain or anything like that. It’s an experiment!

You can take lessons from that.

My default is that I want to tell you what the lessons might be, but I’m going to leave it with you to absorb this and figure out is there any lessons in what I’ve shared today that you want to take away from it?

That’s it.