Day 15 // How to Stop Worrying What Others Think

by | Jan 20, 2023 | The Creative Experiment

Have you ever not done something you were excited about because you were worried about what other people think? And not from strangers, but from the people who know you.

This video is an exploration of that, and taking the idea of judgement deeper to understand what’s really going on…

Video Transcript

Fear of judgment, worrying what other people will say about you when wondering what other people might think about you. Fair judgment, I believe, is one of the things that stops a lot of people sharing what they really want to share or saying what they truly believe because they are worried about how they will be perceived and therefore judged by others.

And what I personally have found that most of the time the people that I’m truly fearful of judging me are not strangers. But it’s the people who I believe know me. People like my mum, my husband, my brother, my best friends, people who see the real me. People who’ve seen me at my worst. People who have seen me at my best.

They are the ones that I am most fearful of receiving judgment from. Now, I am fortunate that the people I’ve mentioned are incredibly supportive of me like I’ve always been very supported, trusted, loved by my people. So I can’t speak to the situation when that might not be the case.

But even from my perspective, it’s not that I actually believe that these people will judge me. It’s not that I think my husband will is the type of person to sit there and look at something I’ve done and send judgment my way. But it’s more the fear of that that I really feel. I don’t know how that makes sense.

And maybe it does. If you’ve been in that situation where you don’t truly believe like these people that you love, you don’t truly believe that they will do that. But there is still that worry that they might. There’s still that worry. Like, what if I go too far? Will they then be thinking, What the hell is she doing?

Who is she? Who does she think she is? That definitely plagues me, but less so now than it used to. And I think in part it’s been because over the past five years, I’ve been sharing content publicly. I’ve been exposing more parts of my creative brain to the universe. And I’ve witnessed that and I’ve realized that I can do it in safety, that I have got their support.

So that’s helped. But recently I heard somebody say that somebody is a guy called Richard Rod who does Gene Keys. And I was watching one of his videos where he’s talking about judgment. And what he said was that often the thing that we’re truly scared of is not the we will be judged, but that we will agree with that judgment, that we internally will actually agree with that negative assessment of us.

And that rang true for me, because I think if someone was to come on and judge me and say around, I don’t know my parents, they’d say, you know, oh, you either should. We’ll make up in that video. Oh, you didn’t look your best. It sort of wouldn’t bother me because I don’t have much of my identity tied up in my appearance.

I be like, Yeah, okay, whatever. It’s in my face. Deal with it. But I think if someone were to come along and judge scenario that is closely identified, that I am closely identified with and I know I have a sense of self worth and self value connected to that, I know that would hurt. So I know if someone came along, for example, and said some light, You know what, Becky?

The quality of your ideas, it’s just not very interesting. I just slide a dribble. I don’t really know what you do in those videos. That would hurt me because the way I like to think of myself, full vulnerability and honesty here is that I am somebody that does have good ideas that I share with the world. World does have value.

It’s meaningful. It can help people. So if somebody would come along close to me that knows me, said Becky, I think you’d like, you know, Ashley is not that good. The bit that would her is that I think there’d be a part of me that might be like they might be right. And that’s where the real kind of.

Oh, no, please don’t judge me. Would come in. So with this idea of self judgment, or if you find yourself in a position where you’re scared to share things because you’re worried about being judged first and get clear on who specifically are you worried about being judged by? What are the things that you’re worried that they’ll think about you?

For example, again, for me, one of them would be that. Who does she think she is? Does she think she’s special? Like that would make you go, Oh, that would be a tender area for me, for sure. Like that would that would hurt because of my own relationships to that phrase. And so and things I’ve experienced in my life that have made that a complex thing, because when you become aware of it and when you become very crystal clear about instead of just like, I’m just not going to pose X, I’m worried what people will think when you can actually start to untangle what’s really going on there, it gives you somewhere that you can actually more productively become aware of and work with and question and support yourself in those areas.

And even if you’re in a position where you like, you know, it’s mainly this person in my life. I’m just really worried. I’ll think, have that conversation with them. I’ve said to my husband seven times, like a person without that, but I’m really worried. You can think of a weirdo and he’s kind of gone. Well, why would I think that?

So we’ve been able to create that level of safety to do so. So instead of just giving yourself this, I’m not sharing some God of judgment, observe that. Become more aware of what’s actually going on. Because when it’s just this sweeping statement, it’s hard to move on from there because it’s not nonspecific. Whereas when you can uncover what the specifics are around this fear, then you can start to question it.

You can start to unpick it and you can start to overcome it as well.

I’ve always said I don’t know how to fetish these videos. Today is a different. So I’m just going to say, see, next time.

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